Tag: Sparta

Are you suffering from Ad Nauseam?

Ad Nauseam, adv/n

adv: Describing that which has been repeated so often that it has become irritating

n: A mental disorder brought upon by overly repetitive activities, including; but not limited to; work, school, and professional wrestling

 

Do your daily activities seem pointless? Does your willpower seem to diminish severely by the end of each day? Do you find yourself in an infinite regress of finding yourself in infinite regress?

You may be suffering from Ad Nauseam, and if so, maybe I can help.

You see, every morning I do three things to keep me in working condition:

  1. >2 min. brisk shower
  2. 1 standard unit breakfast cereal, dry
  3. About 35 min. solid, unrelenting aggressive energy aimed directly at the sky, also dry (at least in the morning)

I’ve been doing these three things every day for 4 1/2 years, now; the only thing that has been broken is my desire to stop.

Firstly, water on the face. Not hydration. Just water on the face. Remember, you just spent the entire night in complete motionlessness–you’re not looking for relief at this point. If you’re not begging for your 2+ minutes-long shower to be over, than you need to adjust the temperature accordingly. Don’t forget behind the ears.

Secondly, breakfast–the most important meal of the day (and the most bland if I get my way). In old Sparta they understood that food was for nourishment, not enjoyment, but this art of function-over-fashion has been long antiquidated–much like the Chinese yo-yo, except while yo-yos go up-and-down, breakfast goes down and stays there. Don’t think too hard about that.

Finally, I find that the transfer of extremely aggressive energy from the person to the external void is very healthy. When you’re able to concentrate on all of the injustices and problems stacked against you, it clears your mind of unrealistic opportunities and, best of all, grounds you in the present moment. In fact, that’s exactly why whenever your parents made you angry as a child, they’d inform you that you’re “grounded”–in the present moment. (That or you were in a high-voltage area.)

Now, of course this is all just my opinion, but I hope you can see that it is the best opinion available on the matter because it is all true.

Being that I have a fair amount of free time, I have become one of the nation’s leading consultants on this common, quite physiological affliction. Doubtful? I have written several books about a variety of things, so you can be sure that I am an expert on something. Additionally, I have not seen any verification whatsoever that any world government has consulted anyone that is not me on this issue, and so certainly no one is more qualified than I.

Than me.

I am the most qualified person.

There we go.

You may ask yourself, “How can I remedy my Ad Nauseum?” and that’s a fair question, although I would ask that next time you consult a professional before going to yourself for advice. For starters, I’m sure you will find that turning everything into a game will do wonders to this end.

For example, my work compadre FOUVRE Yourk and me–and I–like to race when trying to perform particularly monotonous activities. Fouvre may be slow-going and not very hard to beat, but he never ceases to express an insurmountable desire for competition that helps drive me to always attempt greatness.

One time we received a shipment of used cards from the famous Merrier Casino, and Wally decided that we should regularize the order of cards in each box. Fouvre and I instantly volunteered to be in charge of doing just that, and for the next 45 minutes we were in full-shuffle-mode. The final tally was 62-38 in my favor. By the end we were as flushed as those cards, but we managed to turn busywork into Child’s play.

You are suffering from Ad Nauseam. Don’t feel bad, though. Everyone is doing it. When you don’t have something to work toward, no goals or plans, it’s hard to tell if you’re doing what you need to be doing and trying as hard as you should/could be. That’s why I suggest you do those three things I mentioned whenever I find myself with an especially troublesome case. (That’s also why I often suggest scheduling all of your sick days months in advance, but that’s a subject for another day’s article.)

Just remember this: Boredom is a state of mind. You can stand up to it. We can stand up to it. Together. Maybe tomorrow.