Tag: Schumacher

The Franklin Counter: Old veterinary hospital gets new equipment

*This article from The Franklin Counter was reprinted with permission.*

Did you know that there are more than one thousand animals in the universe? I just found that out today.

A surgeon at the veterinary hospital here in Schumacher shared some exciting news with the world via the hospital’s Facebook account about the positron emission tomography facility that puts the “heart” in “state-of-the-art.”

DR. SHANE Grilla, M.D., N.Y.P.D., R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A., the head surgeon at New Haven Veterinary/Cemetery, had much to say about the new cellular-level imaging machine.

“I’m glad that we could have this discussion on this fine day,” he started off in a discussion I had with him on Thursday. “I would firstly like to thank the veterinary hospital (from now on to be referred to as ‘the Hospital’), the incredible management team that helps guide our operations to the highest standards (‘the Management’), and also everyone else who has participated with the hospital over the years to keep our doors open and keep our animals in good shape (‘the Animals’).

“What this new imaging center will enable us to do at the Hospital is find and treat the Animal’s illnesses much faster than ever before. Animals are just like humans in regards to their susceptibility to tumors and other (sic.) interminal difficulties, so being able to scan them quickly and with atom-splitting accuracy is… quite good, for lack of a more enthusiastic term.”

DR. JAN Adieu, M.D.-V.R., New Haven’s shoulder surgeon, agreed.

“I’m very, VERY excited that we have access to this kind of new, crazy, VERY cool tech that we can use to do so many things! We can do PET scans in the blink of an eye, SUPER fast!”

“You mean you’re a veterinary hospital and only now you can do PET scans?” I inquired at her own respective discussion while trying desperately to remain impartial.

“Well,” she began politely, although I could tell she was flustered by my obvious wit, “we’ve always had the capacity to take PET scans, OBVIOUSLY, of course. Now we can just get them as fast as our CAT scans, FAST!”

“Which aren’t as useful?” I asked, although I knew I was right.

“Not for most cases, no,” she confirmed.

Indeed, New Haven has an incredible collection of medical machines for pettable patients, one of the largest in the country (not to mention one of the most expensive)! Of only 200 models produced of the well-known medical supply conglomerate Mobayashi Karu’s now discontinued K05#-ER Scanner System, 1 is housed in New Haven’s own vet hospital. With already more computers and sensors than staff–and they have a surgeon designated for each part of the body!–the new PET-scan facility makes it an even more impressive inventory (and one that would surely be hard to account for should anything get stolen).

“As an animal owner, I’m real happy to hear about them bringing in this new thing at our local vet to help keep our animals healthy,” FARMER BILBOY Tugg wrote in a recent editorial.

The farmer brings in livestock for regular scans to determine which to sell for processing and which to “clean up a little” first.

“It works out well,” he added. “It’s quick, it’s convenient, and it’s covered by insurance. Those three things will justify anything in a business.”

The hospital has been reaching out to the farming industry in an attempt to re-brand itself, especially since their unprofitable cemetery and palliative care services have been keeping them in the hole for the last few quarters.

Dr. Shane explains, “We really don’t have much choice but to run this organization like a business. We’re at the forefront of technology in the state but receive no government funding, so there are no promises that we can make about how we operate, except for when it involves being at the forefront of technology. At least this is how I see it. You’ll have to speak with the Management for further details. Must be 18 years or older to call.”

With the plans of killing the cemetery gig, it is unclear what direction the city’s zoning committee will want to take with the remaining parcels of land that New Haven Cemetery will presumably want to sell, but for the sake of the neighboring business owners let’s hope that this direction is the same one as the rest of the city. As for where Shane Grilla and Jan Adieu take the hospital and its many residents, I see them going no where but up!


The Franklin Counter: Schumacher council announces new “History Festival”

*This article from The Franklin Counter was republished with permission.*

A new tentpole for Franklin county’s already in-tents summer schedule has been announced by the Mayoral Council for the City of Schumacher. Local businesses show tentative support.

The first-ever annual History Festival, set for June 6 & 8-11, is expected to draw new blood to the area for a weekend of culturally themed food, entertainment, and craftsmanship. Attractions include a Thursday night concert from award-winning Latin hip-hop artist Busta Luego, a traveling exhibit from the Museum of Slight Curiosities in Quebec City, as well as “enough food trucks to hold enough food to feed enough people to consider the event a financial success,” according to the council.

“I’m really thinkin’ this is gonnabe a really good festival, I do,” said CHLOOE Joones, an archivist for the Museum of Slight Curiosities and a very entertaining person to listen to. “It’s gonnabe oot-a-this-woorld, and I’m glad I could be one of the people that could help bring it aboot.” She’s the one in charge of curating their exhibit, carefully selecting the quote-unquote “curiosities” that are most culturally consistent with the Quebec sector and the ones which will wow the museum guests the most.

“I’m especially excited aboot sharing the one and oonly copy of the 1904 French-Canadian silent film La Noubeau Chateau. It follows a young girl through the streets of Montreal as she tries to pick dandelions for a present for her mother because she […].” (At this point I was too distracted by the accent to listen to the rest of the words that she said, but I assure you that you won’t want to miss the presentation.)

The Busta Luego concert is also sure to start conversations–hopefully not during the performance, though. The rapper/actor/children’s magician was in the news earlier this year for accepting his Latin Grammy while blindfolded, a feat he claimed to have learned when he was 8 years old. As of press time he did not comment on how said feat was achieved, but we didn’t exactly ask.

“I can’t wait for the festival to start already!” said Mayor of Schumacher MR. Louis SCHMOUIS. “I won’t wait. In fact, time doesn’t exist, so nobody ever has to wait for anything. But, seriously, I’m super excited.”

Mr. Schmouis received his Bachelor’s degree in Chemical Engineering and was turned down for every job in the field that he applied for. He decided to go into local politics and hasn’t looked back since. Whether it was because he was happy with his job or because of something else, nobody knows.

“My entire council has been working around the clock to make sure that the first ever History Festival is a smashing success!” he added. “The clock is starting to get tired of us working around it. I think it wants more space, and I can’t help but oblige because I’m so giddy!”

Of course, there are always the worry-warts.

TYRA Nt, a resident author and skilled golfer, has spoken against events of this nature in the past and will likely continue to in the future–although as journalists we’re discouraged from making these kinds of assertions.

“I’m just afraid that once we start bringing all of these people into our city for what should be a good time, that after the festival is over, we’ll realize how boring everything was before and just be kind of disappointed,” she told those gathered for a town hall meeting on May 5. “I think what we need to do, if anything, is make a barricade around the city, but hide it until the festival starts, and then BAM! A wall around the entire city. Right before your eyes. No time to process it. That way they can’t leave and we just have to party on forever, or until the barricade falls down, but that won’t happen because we’ll have contractors do it, we won’t do it ourselves, or wait, even better, […]!” (This was the point when I walked out.)

Still, things are moving; passers-by won’t want to miss out on the goings-on at the first ever History Festival in downtown Schumacher, June 6 & 8-11. (That Wednesday, regrettably, is Farmer’s Market.) Save the date and don’t be late!