*This article from The Franklin Counter was reprinted with permission.*
Did you know that there are more than one thousand animals in the universe? I just found that out today.
A surgeon at the veterinary hospital here in Schumacher shared some exciting news with the world via the hospital’s Facebook account about the positron emission tomography facility that puts the “heart” in “state-of-the-art.”
DR. SHANE Grilla, M.D., N.Y.P.D., R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A., the head surgeon at New Haven Veterinary/Cemetery, had much to say about the new cellular-level imaging machine.
“I’m glad that we could have this discussion on this fine day,” he started off in a discussion I had with him on Thursday. “I would firstly like to thank the veterinary hospital (from now on to be referred to as ‘the Hospital’), the incredible management team that helps guide our operations to the highest standards (‘the Management’), and also everyone else who has participated with the hospital over the years to keep our doors open and keep our animals in good shape (‘the Animals’).
“What this new imaging center will enable us to do at the Hospital is find and treat the Animal’s illnesses much faster than ever before. Animals are just like humans in regards to their susceptibility to tumors and other (sic.) interminal difficulties, so being able to scan them quickly and with atom-splitting accuracy is… quite good, for lack of a more enthusiastic term.”
DR. JAN Adieu, M.D.-V.R., New Haven’s shoulder surgeon, agreed.
“I’m very, VERY excited that we have access to this kind of new, crazy, VERY cool tech that we can use to do so many things! We can do PET scans in the blink of an eye, SUPER fast!”
“You mean you’re a veterinary hospital and only now you can do PET scans?” I inquired at her own respective discussion while trying desperately to remain impartial.
“Well,” she began politely, although I could tell she was flustered by my obvious wit, “we’ve always had the capacity to take PET scans, OBVIOUSLY, of course. Now we can just get them as fast as our CAT scans, FAST!”
“Which aren’t as useful?” I asked, although I knew I was right.
“Not for most cases, no,” she confirmed.
Indeed, New Haven has an incredible collection of medical machines for pettable patients, one of the largest in the country (not to mention one of the most expensive)! Of only 200 models produced of the well-known medical supply conglomerate Mobayashi Karu’s now discontinued K05#-ER Scanner System, 1 is housed in New Haven’s own vet hospital. With already more computers and sensors than staff–and they have a surgeon designated for each part of the body!–the new PET-scan facility makes it an even more impressive inventory (and one that would surely be hard to account for should anything get stolen).
“As an animal owner, I’m real happy to hear about them bringing in this new thing at our local vet to help keep our animals healthy,” FARMER BILBOY Tugg wrote in a recent editorial.
The farmer brings in livestock for regular scans to determine which to sell for processing and which to “clean up a little” first.
“It works out well,” he added. “It’s quick, it’s convenient, and it’s covered by insurance. Those three things will justify anything in a business.”
The hospital has been reaching out to the farming industry in an attempt to re-brand itself, especially since their unprofitable cemetery and palliative care services have been keeping them in the hole for the last few quarters.
Dr. Shane explains, “We really don’t have much choice but to run this organization like a business. We’re at the forefront of technology in the state but receive no government funding, so there are no promises that we can make about how we operate, except for when it involves being at the forefront of technology. At least this is how I see it. You’ll have to speak with the Management for further details. Must be 18 years or older to call.”
With the plans of killing the cemetery gig, it is unclear what direction the city’s zoning committee will want to take with the remaining parcels of land that New Haven Cemetery will presumably want to sell, but for the sake of the neighboring business owners let’s hope that this direction is the same one as the rest of the city. As for where Shane Grilla and Jan Adieu take the hospital and its many residents, I see them going no where but up!